Coming Soon: Sleepless Night

Has everyone forgotten how it felt the night before the 'O' level results were out?

Be thankful you only go through all that anxiety and dread once. I've had to live through it every year for the past three years. Next year makes four years. What luck.

I've been asking Ms Ng, my boss, to let me teach English at other levels for a change. Each time, she laughs off my requests. I have to hold the fort at Sec 4 because my dear colleagues, who are as qualified if not more so than me to take on graduating classes, are always conspiring to keep me there by getting pregnant and taking extended child-care leave. (I'll have my revenge soon enough, Mrs N and Mrs L.) Then there are those who decide to quit teaching or transfer to another school for whatever reasons. The long and short of it is that I seem to be doomed to teach the Sec 4s and to go through the trauma of pre-'O'-level results jitters every year.

Last year's experience is still fresh in my mind. I called Haikal the night before, asking him how he felt. I was anxious about how everyone would perform, but I was worried sick for him, and we all know why. After the call, I tried to go to bed, but all I got was an hour's worth of sleep and five hours of tossing and turning. I went to work bleary-eyed and irritable. I prayed fervently for good news.

The news was indeed good. Better than good, it was fantastic! We (i.e. the teachers) were thrilled. I couldn't wait to reveal the miracle that was his English grade to Haikal and give him the hug I promised to give. How wonderful to see smiles and laughter on so many faces, along with tears of joy and looks of relief. To have recovered decisively after the 2002 fiasco was a profound achievement for the school.

Now the rollercoaster begins again. I have no idea whether it will be a thrilling ride or a stunning disaster of (mental) derailment. I'm just praying for the best, once again.

Wish me luck.

Love,

Ms Widya